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Welcome to My Corner of the Internet

Staying at Home, Working from Home, and Twins - Sticky Notes for Life

There is no step-by-step guide that tells you how to be a good father, much less a good father of twins, or how to work from home while watching them. I can only record the things I'm glad I've done, the things I wished I had remembered, and the things I'm still waiting to see if they worked. Hopefully, I can look back in 16 years and say, "they turned out OK".

I've come to realize that working from home while watching over 2 precocious 1-year old boys, Matthew and Benjamin, is probably the toughest thing I have ever done. It is physically, mentally, and emotionally taxing to produce high quality, professional work in a high stress consulting environment while caring for 2 little boys who need constant attention.

This isn't a 'how-to' list. It's a collection of sticky notes. They're the oft-forgotten common sense that I need to remind myself of every now and then. I wrote most of these notes when I was staying home with them the first year, but I've added to them since. Every now and then, I look back on these notes are realize they still hold water, even now, when they're almost 5.

1. You always seem to make time for work. Make time for the boys too.
2. Never leave on a business trip mad at your sons.
3. Draw a line somewhere - missing important events only makes it easier to miss them again in the future.
4. Buy a digital camera. You'll be amazed at how many pictures you take, and others will thank you.
5. If it smells like poop, it probably is poop.
6. Shit happens, several times a day.
7. You never realize how dirty the carpet is, until you install hardwood floors.
8. Kids who never get hurt are kids who never learn.
9. Maintain a channel of adult interaction for yourself. Goo-goo, ga-ga, as your sole source of conversation won't cut it.
10. Find a way - for yourself - to keep you mind active and engaged. A hobby is a good escape and way to channel stress and frustration.
11. A child should never be afraid in their own home.
12. Understand what's important to you and how you measure it. If your sense of self accomplishment is measured in dollars, being a stay at home dad probably isn't for you.
13. You can't put a dollar value on missing your child's first steps.
14. Kids of stressed out parents turn out stressed out .
15. Sometimes kids get hysterical and you will want to scream at them - ask yourself if it's going to make them stop first - it probably won't.
16. You won't be as stressed about babies getting dirty once you've seen them play with the contents of the diaper pail.
17. Don't be afraid to be silly around them - it makes them laugh.
18. Never underappreciate an employer who is willing to be flexible with your needs and those of your kids.
19. Sometimes, piggy back rides solve everything.
20. Learn how to make animal noises, the more, the better.
21. Take pictures often, share often.
22. I still wonder why Benjamin feels compelled to eat every book he finds.
23. Manage your workload aggressively. If you don't tell you boss that you have constraints, they'll assume you have none.
24. Make sure you plan for alone time with your wife.
25. If found a new hero in my wife, a fully employed, owner of a small business, who hasn't had a full night's sleep in over a year.
26. Every new parent is anal retentive - twins just beat it out of you faster.
27. Sometimes it's enough just to stand there and watch them sleep.
28. Little boys seem to be magnetically attracted to cat food.
29. Happiness is being covered in squirming little boys.
30. Take the time to talk to them on the phone when you're away.
31. Boys like to splash in the tub. If they're happy, let them splash.
32. Extra hands, in the form of a little boy sitting in your lap, do not helps spreadsheet get built faster.
33. If you're scratching your head, wondering where those extra numbers came from, look back to the time where the boys were giving you 'a hand'.
34. It doesn't matter how much space you clear out, the volume of toys will automatically grow to fill the extra space.
35. Don't feel bad about missing the boys when you're away on a business trip. Feel sad the day you don't.
36. Never underestimate the amount of food, toys, and gear it takes to sustain two boys over at Grandma's for the day.
37. The $1.50 tupperware trumps the $50 electronic gizmo everytime.
38. The cat's tail still trumps the $1.50 tupperware.
39. If you don't make time the first year, you'll always wonder where it went.
40. Little boys are generally not impressed by "important meetings" and "big presentations".
41. There is something uniquely satisfying about having a young child fall asleep on your chest.
42. White lies are still lies. Kids can tell when you lie to them.
43. Make time for yourself and your spouse - you need it, they need it.
44. There is nothing the kids won't eat ... except breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
45. Cheerios rock!
46. Hugs and kisses aren't a limited resource, so don't be afraid to give them freely and often.
47. You never really appreciate your former job until you realize you've lost track of what day it is .... for like the 4th day in a row.
48. There is no such thing as baby-proof, only baby-resistant and it's-just-a-matter-of-time-before-they-get-to-it-resistant.
49. You will never understand the value of smile until you see the faces of your children light up after not seeing you for the day.
50. Babies aren't picking dirt off the floor! They're developing motor skills and hand-eye coordination.
51. Take periodic pictures of your kitchen. You can tell how tall your children were by how far off the ground everything was.
52. Nothing says, "I love you daddy" like getting peed on at 4 AM in the morning.
53. Little boys aren't problems to be solved. They're there to hold, cuddle, and treasure. (paraphrased from "I Don't Know How She Does It").
54. It's hard always asking yourself if you're being a good parent ... then again, maybe it's the right question to be always asking yourself.
55. How is it that kids take some much energy out of you, but at the same time pump so much energy into you?
56. Even after a year, walking into the babies' room first thing in the morning and seeing them standing in their cribs, waiting for you ... it a pretty nifty thing.
57. No family movie is the same after you have kids.
58. I realized I had attained a certain 'level' of fatherhood, when I realized I was unconsciously eating their leftovers and dropped food from their bowls, trays, and bibs.
59. It's not an easy thing to realize that you are paying someone else to hold and cuddle your babies.
60. When you're taking care of kids, working from home isn't.
61. Why does it seem that getting help with the kids just means you actually get less time with the kids?
62. Don't forget, the cat is part of the family too.
63. Teach your kids how to respect the family pets early on.
64. It's amazing how much our tolerance for crying babies increases after we have our own.
65. Nothing makes you feel worse about travelling and being away from home, than making your kids cry more whenever you hold them.
66. You're not the only one who feels like you're missing out on your kids growing up.
67. The sound of two boys giggling, coming from the bathroom, is never a good thing.
68. Sometimes, I feel like I should be teaching them less, and learning from them more.
69. Babies lead pretty simple lives, we could learn a lesson from them.
70. Digital cameras and photo printers make it easy to record their lives.
71. Take lots of pictures and video, you'll never regret having too many. The converse isn't true.
72. It's amazing how long ago a year can seem.
73. Every boy needs a red wagon. Every father needs to pull his boys around in their red wagon.
74. With respect to making sacrifices, We often ask ourselves "how can we ... ?", but after watching your boys playing and giggling, you realize that the question really should be, "how can we not ... "